"There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."
- Anthony de Mello-
What Do You Believe?
For a person who has written a happiness book, I used to have a lot of negative thoughts. The worst part about those thoughts was that I believed them. I would frequently beat myself up and call myself every name in the book: ugly, stupid, lazy, weird and even a scruffy-looking nerfherder (the last one is true, just trying to be thorough). One of the reasons that I didn't throw a wrench into the machine of these painful beliefs was that it seemed like a lot of people said hateful things to themselves and others. I just assumed it was a part of human nature and that my self-inflicted emotional wounds would be something I'd have to deal with.
Upon reading Marci Shimoff's Happy for No Reason, I learned an important fact that I should have already figured out on my own. Not all of my thoughts are true. The negative beliefs that we foist upon ourselves are essentially optical illusions. Sure, it looks like that string is longer than the other, but in reality, they're the same size. Your unhappiness is probably an optical illusion as well. You think that your life stinks, but in actuality, it's got a lot of good things going for it that don't appear to be true.
We don't tend to question our unhappiest beliefs because it appears that everyone around us is unhappy. We accept it. People, it's time to start questioning and to question these ideas as often as possible. We need to stop trusting that our brain always has the right answers. It's a wonderful machine that stores our memories and processes information, but emotionally it can be a bit of a scaredy cat and a negative nelly. We need to learn to start calling our brain on its crap, more or less.
Instead of spiraling into a pity party of depression, you need to start catching yourself when you start to beat yourself up. Challenge your brain to be completely truthful. Instead of saying, "I'm the worst person in the world," challenge yourself, whether it be by naming people who are worse than you or by talking up some of your finer qualities to yourself. Instead of saying that "Everything is ruined," cite some of the things that are going perfectly fine.
Tough stuff happens from time to time, but it's our overreactions that make it into an unhappy situation. Don't get dramatic. Get real and through that...get happy.
Giveaway:
Bryan Cohen is giving away 61 paperback and audio copies of The Post-College Guide to Happiness and a Kindle Fire between now and May 7th, 2012 on The Happiness Blog Tour. All entrants receive a free digital review copy of The Post-College Guide to Happiness. Bryan hopes to give away at least 1,000 copies during the blog tour. To enter, post a comment with your e-mail address or send an e-mail to postcollegehappiness (at) gmail.com. Bryan will draw the names at the end of the tour. Entries will be counted through Sunday, May 6th.
About Byran
Bryan Cohen is a writer, actor and comedian from Dresher, Pennsylvania. He graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in 2005 with degrees in English and Dramatic Art and a minor in Creative Writing. He has written nine books including "http://www.amazon.com/000-Creative-Writing-Prompts-ebook/dp/B0044DEL7C%22%3E1,000 Creative Writing Prompts: Ideas for Blogs, Scripts, Stories and More, http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004SOYV4K%22%3E500 Writing Prompts for Kids: First Grade through Fifth Grade"http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004VWPONQ%22%3EWriter on the Side: How to Write Your Book Around Your 9 to 5 Job and his new book, http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007BIFYNC%22%3E1,000 Character Writing Prompts: Villains, Heroes and Hams for Scripts, Stories and More. His website http://www.build-creative-writing-ideas.com%22%3ebuild/ Creative Writing Ideas helps over 25,000 visitors a month to push past writer's block and stay motivated.
Feel free to follow along with the tour at http://www.build-creative-writing-ideas.com/happiness-blog-tour.html%22%3EThe Happiness Blog Tour Hub Page.
Thanks Tiffany for letting me be a part of your blog today!
ReplyDeleteThe links seem to have gotten a little funky. Here they all are if anybody wants to check them out:
The Post-College Guide to Happiness
1,000 Creative Writing Prompts
500 Writing Prompts for Kids
Writer on the Side
1,000 Character Writing Prompts
Build Creative Writing Ideas
The Happiness Blog Tour Hub Page
Feel free to enter the giveaway by posting your e-mail in the comments. Have a great weekend all!